1. He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’ - He has developed a… ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY’
2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’ - He is… ‘OVERLY CAUCASIAN’
3. He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’ - He… ‘INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS’
4. He is not ‘BALDING’ - He is in… ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION’
5. He is not a ‘CRADLE ROBBER’ - He prefers… ‘GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS’
6. He does not get ‘FALLING-DOWN DRUNK’ - He becomes… ‘ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL’
7. He does not act like a ‘TOTAL ASS’ - He develops a case of… ‘RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION’
8. He is not a ‘MALE CHAUVINIST PIG’ - He has… ‘SWINE EMPATHY’
9. He is not afraid of ‘COMMITMENT’ - He is… ‘RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED’
10. He is not ‘HORNY’ - He is ‘SEXUALLY FOCUSED’
11. it’s not his ‘CRACK’ you see hanging out of his pants - It’s… ‘REAR CLEAVAGE’
